This post is for a young woman that I know. A sista that is currently pregnant and due to deliver her baby soon. A sista who is involved in an abusive relationship.
It is difficult for me to understand why any woman remains in a situation where her well-being is constantly threatened. This particular young woman already has quite an extensive back story of being physically and verbally abused. No amount of pleading from her family or sista friends has been strong enough to motivate her to leave this relationship. She has defended her man's actions time and time again. Which makes it really difficult to continue to try and encourage her to leave before she is killed.
Understanding why this sista refuses to leave is difficult for other women to fathom. We all say the same thing each time we hear about another episode, "I'd of been long gone the first time he hit me." "I would have to do something to him." etc. etc. If this male was in a relationship with any of us-he'd would eventually be classified as a victim of our rage.
Then we all end the conversation on the same note. That expression of our lack of understanding as to why she won't leave. Each one of us knows that if she doesn't get out of this relationship eventually she'll end up murdered. None of us wants to believe that this is what she would want to have happen in her life.
I didn't sit down to compose this post just to vent my frustration and concerns. I know that Battered Women's Syndrome is working in her story. Ironically, she is not the only woman that I work with who is in an abusive relationship. There is another young woman who is also being abused. She is also operating out of the same mindset. Their level of denial is difficult for me to accept. I come from a family of females that taught the next generation of females not to be accepting of any form of verbal or physical abuse. They also passed along those "little lady" secrets on how to let a man know that we ain't having it. I won't elaborate on their methods of resistance in this post. There are acts that definitely cause physical pain and damage.
If you know a woman is in an abusive relationship and you have not been successful in persuading her to leave. Please take time to learn about Battered Women's Syndrome. It will help you to understand the head trip that she is on.
I just hope that in the near future that these two young women realize that they do not have to accept this type of behavior from any man. This is not love. It is loathing and total disrespect that is being shown to them.
Related Links
Anti-Violence Resource Guide
Abused Women.org
Action Ohio Coalition for Battered Women
If you are in an abusive relationship and you need help:
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
Monday, December 28, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
the guys need a good b***h whippin.
it gives all men a bad name when something like this happens.
I have 5 sisters. I am the oldest and the only boy. In addition to our strong parental upbringing, I made it my mission to make sure my sisters were tough, independent, confident women, who loved themselves enough to protect themselves. I never liked the idea of my sisters falling into the role of a weak, helpless woman, who was dependent on a man.
Many, many years ago, one of my sisters was struggling with a weight issue. It severely effected her self-esteem. I noticed she was dating a "man", whom she was ALWAYS buying gifts for. A man who never bought her a damn thing. I also noticed he was frequently standing her up. After listening to her cry in her room, I sat my sister down and gave it to her straight!
I said, "You are a beautiful woman. You deserve a man who can see that, no matter what you weigh. Any man who takes and never gives, isn't worth the effort it takes to fart. Instead of wasting your time on a worthless jackass, invest your energy in yourself. Change the things you don't like about yourself, and find someone who loves you the way you are! I'll help you move forward, but I'll have no part in your decision to be pissed on. So, what's it gonna be?!"
Ms. Thing took what I said to heart. She joined a gym. Changed her diet. Dropped the extra pounds. Went on a shopping spree. Completed her MBA, and is now happily married to a real man. :-)
Watching someone you care about, make the wrong decisions is tough. So many people have no idea how to self-protect and they confuse manipulation and control, with love. It helps to have someone show you the difference. Hopefully, the sister in your story will wake up before it's too late.
Question: Does she have any brothers or male family members? If so, have they paid this mofo a visit? If she were my sister, I'd whisper some shit in his ear and he'd be on the 1st thing smoking. Trust me. :-)
All you can do is not give up-- be there for them if and when some vestiges of self-esteem kick in.
Hi Ms. Lady Deborah,
Please keep talking and encouraging these women you mention; hopefully they will one day hear.
I no longer believe that a male and a man are synonymous. A man does not act in a manner that disrespects or abuses others nor does he derive any pleasure from others who do. "A male ignorantly walks his path but is unaware of the steps of a man."
U
To some women, it's easy for them to take a stand and decide that they won't go down that road.. some who've had years of abuse have reacted in diffrent ways.. some, aggresive, some are so timid and are simply unable to pull away.. they think it's their destiny.. their psychological mind set is such that you can't change.. you on the outside have to give them what love you can and talk to them... they're damaged.. you can't change it in day.. you have to keep talking to them..that would help... patience and perseverance will.
FREE ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS
www.askchacha4free.blogspot.com
I am afraid for the baby.
I'm with the U, there's a huge difference between a man and a male.
I do actually know of a couple of young women that are in the same predicament as I type this. Both of them are pregnant, one of them is currently living in a woman's shelter. I've always been amazed to see people remain in abusive relationships; at what I see to be a risk of their very lives. I don't judge though, people do what they do. Why? Who knows? As I said, one of these young women just left her abusive lover, the other one remains. It's hard for me to see her wrist in that sling daily, knowing just how it was fractured; particularly since I can see her growing belly. It's depressing to me; particularly since I'm sure that she'd defend her lover with her life.
I know love, I'm familiar with it. That's not love.
Post a Comment